Stacey: She goes towards it like a turkey towards glitter.
Mallory: Do turkeys like glitter?
Ariel: I dunno.
Mallory: Turkeys are fabulous!

Mallory: It smells like grapes.

Ballah, shot callah

M: My subconscious is gangster as shit.

Meaghan: Tequila is not supposed to come in chunks.

Sean: I like my inefficient poops.

Sean: It's the difference between "RAHHH" and "Om nom."

Apartment conversation

Chance: WHY is that funny? Someone just got a radish up the butt!

Oh LIVE...

Blythe: IS THAT BUTTERFLY KISSES?! ANTHONY, DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU.

Me: Why does it smell like toast all of a sudden?
Ariel: You're having a stroke.
Me: What?
Ariel: Don't question me.
Me: What?!

As a priest runs by the van to catch a train.
Craig: St. Francis be my speed!

Katie: Blythe! I'm getting a dress that's backless, and also frontless. So I'm going to wear a skirt.

I don't need your 16 minute long email.

JBohrn: He used to do it all the time, but he stopped after he almost choked on it.

Ariel: Honcho?
Mallory: I'm a professional honcho
Ariel: I don't know if honcho works without head.

Blythe: We didn't mean to get so many margaritas but they were only $1.99!

M: You think you cute because you got some travel wine?

Craig: I don't yell at God. I'm not King Lear.

To Kill A Chifferobe

M1: [while searching Craigslist] Chifferobe...
M2: No one actually says that on there... do they?
M1: Yep, found one.
S: You can go to jail for fixing a chifferobe.
M1: That's the moral of that story. Never help a b*#&h.
S: Never help a b*#&h fix a chifferobe...
M2: Wha--- [laughter]