Mom: So Andra, about the shower. It's *painful*, but...
Andra: Uhh...

John: Her head is fun to kiss. It's like kissing a peanut.

James: What is that play? Jesus of Escaragus?
Entire Table: Judas Iscariot?!?
James: Yeah. That...

This is all I heard
John: And then I would be cleaning egg yolk out of...where the good Lord split me.

John: (singing) 76 trombones in a bad, dark place...

John: I just kicked a ball of ice! A ball of ice and sin!!

John: Oo! Sodomy!