Austen: I wake up with Obama wood every day.

Austen: My sleigh is red, rock hard, and full of reindeer.

Jbohrn: Do you have a q-tip? Because there's paint in my eye...

Stephanie Miller: The outer one is definitely a donut.

Rob Caisley: It's Chekhov! It's good for you!

Chris: I try to leave room for Jesus so Jesus feels my junk and not you.

Mallory: I need a donut.
Chance: Why do you need a donut?
Mallory: My character eats a donut.
Katie: you don't get to know unless you see the play.
Mallory: Oh! I mean.... I have no idea why I need a donut...

Sam: If I were rich, I would buy all sorts of ridiculous shit. I would have a castle with a moat and crocodiles that shoot lasers and bees out of their mouths.