John: Oo! Sodomy!

Ariel: That would have been the bullshi**iest of bullshi*s.

Ryan: We will lose! We will be such *colossal* losers!!

Ronn: Mama called 'em 'bump ba-dum bump bump bumps...'

We were talking about shoes...

Phinney (in reference to her dog chewing a bone): It's never going to all fit in your mouth, no matter how hard you try.
John: That's what she said....

All: {pause} *glance*glance* Ahhhh hahahahaha!

John: It's time to get na- HICCUP- KED!
Me and Phinney: AHHHH HAHAHAHAHA.

John: HICCUP- GAAAHHH!!

Poor dog

John, to Phinney's new dog

"Are you embarrassed? You should be! You're my age and you're shi**ing on the floor!!"