Austin: She died in a blaze of irony.

Oh vanity...

Ariel: But you have a pretty smile!
Mallory (dark and creepy-like) prettier...

Pam: What's this for?
Ariel: It's for screwing.

Pam (to Austin): Oh wow! You are lovelier than Jake Wood!

Helen (to Ariel): You look like you could suck it up...

Helen: Why would that come out of someone's mouth?
Austin: Why would that go INTO someone's mouth?

Austin: it was either roll backwards, or slap Mallory.

I apologize in advance to those who this will definitely offend.
Mal: I like retards.
Ariel: They're easier to eat.

Steve: If you push me down the stairs, I will rise with a vengeance.